Mindful Health’s Explain It Series

Providing insight and realistic explanations for commonly overused therapy terms

Gaslighting

This month I am getting into the word gaslighting- I cannot tell you how often I hear this word used incorrectly. All. The. Time. It can be frustrating because gaslighting can be a form of psychological abuse, and when the term is overused, it diminishes the impact it has on individuals who are being gaslit.

 Gaslighting is a way to manipulate others into believing they are the cause of any problem or issue. It is used to:

·       Avoid taking accountability for their own actions

·       Control and exert power over others

·       Blame others

·       Shame others

 It often happens when one person expresses discomfort or questions another’s behavior. Instead of the at fault party acknowledging and discussing this, they turn things around and blame the other party for the problem or their behavior.

Gaslighting can look like this:

Person 1: I don’t like when you yell at me and raise your voice.

Person 2: You are making me mad, and that is why I am yelling. If you wouldn’t act like this, I wouldn’t yell.”

 This is one of the most common examples of gaslighting, and there are many other forms of it. Over time gaslighting leads to immense anxiety and can cause victims of this to not speak up when they are upset or uncomfortable for fear of “making things worse”.  It can also distort how they see reality and cause isolation, tolerance of abuse, denial of abuse, and mistrust of their own thoughts and decision making.

 It’s important to recognize the differences in gaslighting, and typical disagreement or arguments. In truly healthy communication, each party should take accountability for their role in the conflict, and work towards mutual understanding and problem solving together.